never the same

by Phyllis and Moe Beres

The Compassionate Friends Society

In the beginning we are survivors groping and clawing merely to rise and face each day without our children

WITHOUT OUR CHILDREN

Intellectually we know the reality we have gone through funerals wakes/shivas memorials

WE KNOW THE REALITY

but emotionally we cannot (nor should we) come to terms with this reality

one cannot make this emotional commitment called parenting then abruptly shut it off after a funeral

whether our child was six months or sixty our love our sacrifice our future cannot be measured by a chronological clock

thus we cling to the hope that this is a bad dream a mistake that soon there will be a knock at the door

the phone will ring we’ll hear their footsteps upstairs

and they will be back where they belong

BACK WHERE THEY BELONG

In the beginning we face each day with disbelief we plod on but we want our children back

not their pictures not their clothes not their memories

WE WANT OUR CHILDREN BACK

As months turn into years years into years our lives start to “normalize”

(although we will never be the same again)

emotions begin to catch up with intellect

we gradually grudgingly come to realize that they are never coming back to the way they were

(we seek out psychics to connect with them where they are now)

As parents we have the need to nurture

(I will ALWAYS be your parent you will ALWAYS be my child)

we are compelled to make an emotional compromise and

keep them alive in different ways

like the caterpillar transforming into a butterfly our children take on new lives

to be sure it is not the way we want it to be but now

in our hearts and in our heads we say

“this is the way it is this is the way it is going to be”

now

we are parents again and they are our children

we have paid the ultimate price for wisdom strength and courage

and though we will never be the same again

We will BE